| As Sarah wound her way past the tables and
toward the stage to get her "Top Salesperson Award" at the company's annual
dinner, her colleagues were mumbling about how someone with the firm only a year could
have sold more than anyone else. Sarah was pleasant enough, but hardly the gregarious
salesman type. When asked how, Sarah wasn't talking. What her colleagues didn't know is
that was the real key to her success. Sarah was making sales by practicing the art of
silence, not the art of talking.
Silence is the secret tool of power negotiators. Knowing
when to listen, not talk. Using facial expressions, not your voice, to make a point. Here
are five tips on how perfecting the art of silence can make you a better negotiator:
1. Listen more.
Listening is not passive. One can control the negotiation
process by simply listening well. When we listen well, we gain the trust and confidence of
others. When people are encouraged to talk, they tell us their needs, their wants, their
dreams, and their plan of action; in short, they give us information. When we truly listen
to people, we make them feel important, particularly if we are making good eye contact
while listening. The problem is that most of us don't truly listen when others talk. We
just can't remain silent long enough to really hear them. Chances are we are just marking
time until we can jump in and start talking. We should be aware that every time we do
talk, we open ourselves to being vulnerable.
2. The 10-second strategy.
Silence makes most of us uncomfortable. In today's world,
there is noise all around us, from the cell phones ringing, to the iPod in our ear, to
chats around the water cooler. We are conditioned to noise, not being silent. Try this
test: the next time you are negotiating with the other party, and they say something like
"well, that's my offer," don't utter a word for 10 seconds. It's practically
guaranteed they will jump in with another offer or more information, anything to break the
silence. When you get comfortable with 10 seconds, bump it up to 20 seconds. The silence
will hang like lead and drive ‘em crazy!
3. Ask questions.
A good way to learn silence is to ask questions, another
secret weapon of successful negotiators. The person asking the questions controls the
conversation. While you can get information from the person answering the question,
generally if you have done your homework, you should already know the answer before you
ask. Lawyers are taught to never ask a question without already knowing the answer; good
advice. What you are really doing here is getting the other person to talk, perhaps to
verify your information, but really to feel more comfortable working with you, and
therefore to trust you.
Let's turn that around. Realize that when someone asks you
a question, there is no law that says you have to answer. Try remaining silent. The
questioner will likely start talking again. A good negotiator who really does not want to
answer a question might, after awhile, say something like "before I answer that, tell
me why you ask." Throw it back. Remember, there is no law that states you have to
answer questions asked of you.
4. Pause more between sentences.
In a recent study, a team of scientists showed that in
listening to a musical symphony, just a one-to-two second break between movements triggers
a flurry of mental activity. So could a one-to-two second pause between sentences be just
as powerful in helping others comprehend our information? Any comedian will tell you that
it is the timing of pauses in their delivery that determines their success. Those of us
who are fast talkers have to learn to be more deliberate and practice this art of pausing
between sentences for more emphasis.
5. The flinch, the shrug, the smile.
These actions are all guaranteed to carry a powerful
message, as you remain totally silent! The flinch is the quick, jerky movement of the
shoulders, with a pained look on your face, as if you have just been stricken. It sends an
immediate message you did not like what you heard. Once you flinch, then what? Why, remain
silent. Wait for the other party to speak, and they quickly will, chances are while
scrabbling to sweeten the deal. The shrug of the shoulders sends the message that you just
don't care; you're not interested. Again, remain silent. And the smile. A silent smile is
powerfully enigmatic (ask Mona Lisa), and the other party is left to guess what you are
thinking. And, yes, again, don't let the first person who speaks be you.
Power negotiators, whether sellers or buyers, know that
what you don't say is sometimes more powerful than what you do say. Use these tips the
next time you negotiate and enjoy the power that silence brings. |
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